The argument nobody wins from memory. Each of you answers the same questions about who actually does the chores, the planning, the apologising and the noticing — without seeing what the other said. Then you read one report that shows exactly which of those you two see completely differently. That gap is the answer.
Everybody scores their own effort accurately and the other person’s from memory — which is a well-documented bias, not a character flaw. Ask one partner who does more and you get an honest, incomplete answer. Ask both, separately, and the interesting part appears: not who is right, but which jobs the two of you do not even agree are happening.
The chores and the errands, but also the parts that never look like work — who remembers the appointments, who keeps track of the birthdays, who notices the other one has gone quiet, who plans what you do at the weekend, who starts the conversation after a fight, and who gives in first to end one.
Each question becomes one line with both of your answers on it. Where you agree, it says so and moves on. Where you disagree — you said “both of us, evenly”, they said “mostly them” — that line gets highlighted, because a job one of you does not see is the one that causes the resentment.
It would be easy to write a quiz that hands one person a verdict and the other a receipt. This one deliberately does not: every result describes a behaviour on an ordinary evening, both of you read exactly the same report, and it ends with three things worth actually talking about tonight. It is a quiz, not a diagnosis.
It settles what each of you believes, which is the part you can actually work with. If you both say the same person does the laundry, that is agreed. If one of you says “evenly” and the other says “mostly me”, that is the thing to talk about — and it is invisible until you both answer apart.
Not while you are answering — the screen covers itself between turns and their half is answered blind. The report at the end shows both answer sets, because comparing them is the point. Answer it the way you actually see it.
It is written to avoid one. No one is labelled, the language stays on behaviours rather than people, and the report ends with three questions to ask each other rather than a scoreboard. Couples who are already in a bad week may want to pick the shortest depth.
Two or three minutes each at the shortest depth, about nine at the longest. You can stop and pick it back up on the same phone.